Photo Credit: Kevin Evin

Dark Lord of the Cheese Scott Walker instructs Dog, IG-88, Boba Fett and Bossk on capturing the fugitive senators.

BY DEREMY UNDERHILL

MADISON, Wisconsin. — Seeking to force a vote on sweeping state pension cuts, Wisconsin Governor Scott “Darth” Walker has hired a gaggle of the galaxy’s best bounty hunters to round up 14 Democratic state senators who fled the state to prevent a vote on the reductions.

The senators were last seen yesterday in Rockford, Illinois where they holed up in the guest rooms of the city’s only “Zagat rated” motel and played Twister for several hours. Their current whereabouts are unknown.

Soon after the senators’ escape was confirmed, the Dark Lord of the Cheese summoned the bounty hunters to the Governor’s Mansion in Madison, where he instructed them on the need to bring the runaways back to the Senate, which would allow a quorum to be called in order to pass the measures

“There will be a substantial reward for the one who finds the fugitives,” Darth Walker told the assembled bounty hunters. “You are free to use any methods necessary, but I want them alive. No disintegrations.”